Pest Stress! AND, not the 6 legged, 8 legged or 100 legged kinds, but the 2 legged kind.
We all have “pests” in our lives and they can make us very stressed, if we let them. From the people who know our “buttons” best and how to push them (like our kids), to the person at work who annoys us or the driver on the road who cuts you off to be one car ahead, each can be a pest and cause “pest” stress! There are lots of ways to deal with pests. The most effective is to set really clear boundaries. The first step in setting boundaries is to get conscious about what is happening and what YOU want. Start by being really aware of your thoughts and feelings. Check in with your body. Are you feeling un-ease, a pit in your stomach or tightness in your chest? Do you feel like you are losing energy or power? Check in with your intuition. Is this right for me? Do I want to say “Yes” to this or say “No”? Check in with your mental state. If it’s an aggressive statement or action from another person, ask these questions. Am I safe? Is this person a negative influence of the past or present (like an “ex” or a critical friend/parent/boss)? Consider the person’s statements. Are they true or not true for you? What’s really going on with the other person? What might be the hidden message? Look for the deeper issue. Then, how do I stand up for myself? Once you know where you stand, be kind to the other person and use “I” statements. “I” statements have us take responsibility for how we think and feel. Start with how you feel (“I feel hurt when you say that”). It’s important to “own” our feelings even if the other person denies our feelings. Follow your “I” statement of feelings with your stand, what you think. When setting boundaries, there is no need to go into the 4D’s (denial, defense, distraction, discounting) (see blog post “Mess Stress”). Be gentle, be firm and be assertive. Setting boundaries is not about “using” the other person, being a martyr or for manipulating. People, loved ones are not really “pests”. They are human beings who have needs. They have the needs of safety, of love and belonging. They have the need of relationship. Relationship and communication with another person is a partnership. Listen, be open to negotiation and possible compromise with your “partner”, then take a stand and move towards a Win-Win. Boundaries will be different for every relationship and every person. Relationship and partnership is about coming together and becoming more, growing from the partnership while shifting, changing and following the path of love.
We need to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to take responsibility for how we allow others to see us, talk to us and act towards us. Be honest and tell people when they say or do something that’s not OK with you! If you “give up”, “give in” you are inviting people to ignore your needs and treat you like a doormat. There’s a famous quote by Pablo Picasso…
“There are two kinds of women-Goddesses and doormats.”
BE a Goddess!
Be honest and ask yourself: Am I a pest, a “doormat” or a partner in life? What one action for change can I take if I am being a doormat about something or with someone?
Let me know what your thoughts and feelings are, in the comments below!
Find out more about ZENgevity training and how to set boundaries, go to www.ZENgevity.com
*The ZENgevity Blog is written by Georgia Lee London, creator of ZENgevity Fitness and Training. It expresses only her personal opinion and is not to reflect or voice the opinion of ZENgevity LLC, ZENgevity teachers or ZENgevity students.